It’s somewhat of a cliché that when two people marry one another, members of the older generation might start asking them when they’re going to have kids. For instance, a young husband and wife may have to start fielding questions from one or both mothers-in-law about when they can expect a bouncing bundle of joy they can spoil with gifts.
However, while this is an old story, it needs to change. Asking your adult child when they’re going to have children can put undue pressure on them and stress them out more than the older generation imagines. Let’s delve into why that is for a moment.
Health Issues Might Prevent a Woman from Getting Pregnant
Imagine this scenario. You have a young man and woman who marry one another or who start cohabitating. Many in the younger generations don’t regard nuptials as a prerequisite for having kids anymore, so they might live together and consider themselves a family without marrying.
The woman wants to get pregnant, but after they try for a while, they don’t have any luck. They go to see a fertility doctor.
The doctor determines, after running some tests, that the woman has a medical condition where she cannot get pregnant or where pregnancy is extremely unlikely. There are several such conditions, so this sort of thing is definitely possible.
Meanwhile, one set of this young couple’s parents, or maybe both sets, start pestering these two about having kids. They can’t wait to pick out baby accessories and create a babysitting schedule for the new arrival.
Every chance they get, these older generation members drop hints and bring up the topic. This young woman already feels devastated that she can’t carry a baby through conventional means. She doesn’t want to reveal this private medical information, but she feels pressure and anxiety because the family keeps bringing up this issue at holiday gatherings.
This scenario is all too common, and it can be very hurtful for the young couple. In some instances, it can get to be such a problem that it breaks them up.
The Male in the Relationship Might Not Be Able to Have Kids Either
It could also be that the male in this relationship is not able to have kids. He might not have viable sperm for one reason or another.
The couple might be able to get sperm from a sperm bank, but that’s not the point. The point is that if the older generation members keep applying pressure, it’s going to make the male in this relationship feel bad.
He might feel inadequate, leading to sexual performance issues. This is another situation that is not at all uncommon.
The Couple Might Not Want to Have Children for Other Reasons
The couple might also be capable of having kids, but they don’t want to do it. The woman might not want to do it because of everything her body has to go through. It’s not as though pregnancy and giving birth are easy.
The couple might also feel like things are happening in the world today that are very disheartening, and they may not want to bring a child into this environment. Climate change might be the reason why or political turmoil. They might feel like they don’t have enough money to raise a child when they can’t even afford to buy a house for themselves.
They may simply not want children because they don’t want the responsibility of raising them. Some people feel like thinking that way is selfish, but it isn’t. If an adult feels that they would not make the best parent, there shouldn’t be any mandate to become one.
The bottom line is that when older generation members start asking a couple when they’re going to have children, and they keep bringing it up incessantly, they often do more harm than good. People need to stop thinking about these lines of questioning as innocent and harmless because, more times than not, they make those on the receiving end feel bad about themselves.
Various adult children might handle the situation differently if their parents or other relatives keep bringing up this topic. Some of them might be polite about it, but only up to a certain point.
Eventually, if too many relatives keep asking about this, they might get a rude response. It’s hard not to think that the recipients of these questions were correct to react that way.