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Dear Husband, Please Stop Doing Things for Me

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When you’re on maternity leave, you grow accustomed to doing pretty much everything around the house, after all, it’s only fair that when your partner is working full time and you’re at home with the baby, that the lion share of the housework falls to you.

But something is really starting to wind me up, and surely, I cannot be the only one – my husband keeps doing things for me.

Now, I must admit, I do have my own way of cleaning and cooking and I do get slightly irritated when others try to ‘help‘, especially my toddler who seems to create more mess whenever he is insisting on assisting me with whatever chore I’m doing; but that’s not what this post is about. This is about when my husband lets me know he did a certain house job or task for me.

Not for Felix or for Dexter. Not for the family or for himself. But for me.

Since when was cleaning bottles a benefit for me? Surely we clean bottles for Felix?

I cooked for you,” he told me the other night.

He hadn’t. He’d cooked for the boys, not me.

“I washed up for you,” he proudly announced last week. It wasn’t for me though was it, although it was one less chore on the endless to do list of cleaning and tidying that my life has become.

I can’t complain too much as my husband is an incredible dad. He helps loads with changing nappies, feeding bottles and playing with both of the boys while I’m cracking on with some cleaning and cooking. But this phrase of ‘for you‘ is really starting to grate on me; especially when I can’t see how I benefit at all from the job that’s been completed.

Nicola babywearing Felix and Dexter sat on a bench in Mere Sands Woods

Perhaps each time I change the bedsheets I should let him know, “I have put on clean bedding for you

Or, next time I scrub and polish the skirting boards, furniture and TV I should proclaim, “Look at what I did for you.

Or, maybe next time I plan our family holiday, organise the flights, book the accommodation, pack the suitcases, arrange the car hire and sort out the airport parking I should announce, ‘Look at everything I did for you.” But I won’t.

After all, everything I do is for this family. It’s for us, for the boys, for everyone here. Nothing I do deserves praise or reward, just as I wouldn’t expect to dish out praise to my husband for completing simple tasks.

And, as for having to be the one to remember everything, including where the wet wipes are kept, despite constant reminders, is another blog post entirely. The mental and physical load at times can be all consuming. But we carry on don’t we? After all, how lucky are we to get to be off work with our babies, watching them grow and develop…in between cooking and cleaning of course.

It will be interesting to see how things develop when I’m back in work in January. Will the lions share of the housework still fall to me? Or will we see a more equal share? All I know is, if I get told one more time that a household task has been completed ‘for me‘, I’ll be ready to change the locks!

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Saturday 28th of September 2019

Definitely annoying. I tend not to even mention that I've done it. I just do it. #kcacols

Crummy Mummy

Saturday 28th of September 2019

My blood is boiling for you! In our house I say we all live here, so we're all responsible for running & maintaining it - simple! #KCACOLS


Thursday 26th of September 2019

Oh yes, my husband is always saying things like this to me! It not for me, its for us! I wonder how things will pan out once you're back to work, personally I think you will be a super team #kcacols

twicemicrowaved tea

Wednesday 25th of September 2019

It's lovely that he helps, but the 'for you' would wind me up too. I spend a lot of time trying to get my husband to understand the mental load too, but I don't get very far! I'm lucky enough to be a SAHM though so as you say, I get the benefit of seeing our children grow and develop and I don't mind putting up with carrying the mental load for that. (Most of the time anyway!) #kcacols


Wednesday 25th of September 2019

I love this and couldn't agree more. It drives me nuts when my husband does this, I know he doesn't even mean it that way but it is important we point it out because it sends all the wrong outdated messages to our kids. I have to admit my head almost exploded this weekend when my husband asked me to say thank you because he had our kids all day!